E. is the most brave, creative, and amazing human being I have ever met. He was born as a little girl, and from the time he was an infant, he struggled with how his body felt in relation to the world around him. He would cry incessantly, and we were unable to soothe him. He would endure the most terrible tantrums that went far beyond the norm of a toddler and young child. He would always make his voice deeper and louder than life, and fight me on things like what to wear and how to behave. I was not well-educated at this point and had no understanding of the journeys of trans people. Upon looking back, I see that this was where his journey began.

By the time he was in elementary school, E. had drifted socially from friends. He told us that he believed he was gay, but when I asked him if he felt okay in his own body he paused for a time before telling me he was fine. I should have listened to the pause, because it would have changed his life.

By middle school, E. had begun having intrusive thoughts about harming himself or ending his life. His anger became more extreme, and he turned it inward on himself. He picked at his body and hid in his room. School refusal led to therapy appointments, medication, and partial hospitalization. Still, we did not know how he felt about himself. Still, we pushed fruitlessly and frustratingly at every new possible way to help him. We locked away anything sharp, we took away pins and medications. We hid cleaning supplies in lock boxes. We monitored every technology. We went to family therapy, individual therapy, and medication changes.

When your child is sick, you will try everything, and give anything, to make them better.

Everything changed during the third week of eighth grade when E., feeling unseen and unheard, attempted to end his own life.

What followed was a blurry sea of doctor appointments, emergency visits, inpatient care, and sorrow. What followed all of that was, “Mom, I think I’m a boy.”

Those words changed all of our lives for the better.

I am a very religious person, and my church was not accepting. We had to leave the church. Our school district is large and does not actively practice inclusion. We pushed for me to have a spot on the board of education. Our primary care doctor had limited understanding of how to help. We switched to CHOP’s amazing team. We gained an incredible amount of support from some friends and family, and cut ties with others. It was a whirlwind of emotion for everyone.

Most importantly, during this time we gave him his first taste of gender-affirming care. We used the pronouns he needed and let him begin to dress and appear like a boy.

His first binder was, in his own words, “magical”. He still tells us it was the first day he ever felt right with his body. I cried for all of the years I didn’t know. I loved that he loved how he felt.

His dysphoria was still very much present, but dressing the way he wanted to and also changing his name (first just at home, then school, then legally), decreased his mental health problems dramatically. He began doing voice therapy lessons to teach him how to modulate his voice because we were nervous about starting hormone therapy for him.

In order to feel good in his body, E. would wear his binder for more hours than they should be worn. He couldn’t be seen without it because the idea of now being misgendered made him panic. We had to make adjustments in his daily routines, and he developed rib and back aches as well as breathing problems. He also developed pain in his vocal chords from modifying the octaves of his voice in order to pass as masculine. His mental health remained better, but physically he began to struggle more and more. The binder and the voice issues were severe enough that they limited his ability to participate in after school activities and gym class. At age 16 we decided to pursue testosterone therapy for him.

This process was not easy. E. had been in the CHOP gender program for years, and had been to a therapist. He needed to prove that his dysphoria was consistent. Obtaining hormones required many doctor trips, and much legwork and insurance approval. In July of 2023 our son had his first dose of testosterone and his face lit up with joy.

Since that moment he has had many “firsts”—his first chin hair, first voice crack, first time not worrying about being misgendered. He stopped needing weekly therapy and started participating more in school. His grades became impeccable, and his work ethic soared. He began to talk about colleges, and dreams for the future. He wanted to live and saw a future for himself. I was a mom who was so scared to do any sort of hormone treatment for my child, but after the first dose, I knew we had done the right thing.

At age 17 and a half, during the summer before senior year, our son had top surgery. He attended regular therapy and specialist appointments. Taking off his chest binder for the last time and seeing his new chest was one of the best moments of his life. He cried tears of happiness. His breathing became better and his ribs and back stopped aching. His summer was filled with healing and happiness.

Our son is now driving, has been accepted at numerous colleges, and is finishing up an internship for graphic design. He is in the National Honor Society, does chorus and drama, and takes part in various clubs. He has a solo in an upcoming choir event—the first with his new voice! No one misgenders him, and he has not harmed himself in many years. He is going on his senior trip to Disney! All of these events are ones that many parents take for granted, but we don’t take a single thing for granted when it comes to our son. He has been through so much, and every day is a gift.

We know from support groups, friends, and various other medical organizations that it is very rare that a child like E. receives the extent of gender-affirming care that he did for his age. His nurse told us that no one in his high school had ever had top surgery. The right-wing media makes it appear that all trans people do this and all trans people take hormones. We know many trans people in our circles, and we know that each person’s individual journey looks unique. You can’t ever make a blanket statement about the needs of folks who are transgender, and doing so is harmful to the entire community.

When we found out that Trump had issued the executive order banning gender-affirming care for people under 19 we were petrified. We had all breathed a bit easier when E. turned 18, but now we don’t know what will happen. Each day I check the news, terrified that Trump will issue some new declaration or order. He and his followers have created an environment where my child’s human rights are being erased. There is no gender ideology. There is simply the belief that allowing all people to experience life in their own way is beautiful and necessary.

Lack of gender-affirming care—both medical and non-medical—would have been a death sentence for our child. His care matters. And he is the most amazing young man that anyone could have the privilege of knowing. He is the reason that we need to fight for transgender people.

There are many families who have stories that are similar to my son’s story. Please act to make sure they are protected. We are an average American family, much the same as all of yours. Our situation could belong to anyone, and we all deserve the right to live and have our children live their lives with the dignity they deserve.