My 16-year-old daughter has always known who she is and told us in every way she could communicate from an early age.
It wasn’t without tears, great fear or frustration, but as a family, we listened, we learned and we evolved together. She has dealt with her share of bullying from peers over the years, but overall, she has known love and support. She is just another teenager—going to school, making friends, playing lacrosse and violin, and holding down a part-time job.
Early on, our family grew to understand that the most vital line of defense in protecting her is having support and acceptance from us. And so as a mother, that became my mission: to build a foundation, educate others one heart and mind at a time, and grow that army of support.
In spite of the introduction of hormone blockers by age 11 (to pause the puberty she had already begun), and despite the overwhelming support from our family, her teachers, and friends, she grew increasingly uncomfortable in her body as she entered middle school. By age 12, she was, in fact, severely depressed and actively seeking ways to end her life. She knew just the right amount of Tylenol it would take. I tear up as I type that. She finally admitted this to me and broke down in sobs, fearing we would “send her away to a hospital“ because she was a “freak.”
As a mother, I knew she just needed to be heard. But, not wanting to take the wrong step, I sought out a variety of opinions, from her pediatrician to other endocrinologists, specialists and therapists. I wasn’t looking for someone to agree with her or us, but to listen and not dismiss this. I knew in my gut that this child, my youngest of four, was a very different child. It wasn’t because of any agenda, anything we pushed or pursued—it was who she is! She truly felt trapped in a body that didn’t belong to her and was “screaming” for someone to hear her and help her. This was a different type of mental health crisis.
With the guidance of the right professionals, she finally did begin estrogen and without hyperbole, I say that she was a different child almost immediately and that gender-affirming care saved her life.
Please understand that as parents, what we ultimately discover is that we cannot love these little souls any less as a girl than as a boy or vice versa. In our case we are blessed to know this special soul who is now a a thriving high school student, a gifted, hardworking lacrosse player and first chair violin player, a thoughtful, introspective friend, and a witty and beautiful girl.
I am a better mother and a better human for being on this journey. I’ve learned how to dig deeper and love bigger. I am the proud mother of a transgender child.